Just Tell Her
by BringMeGiants
Summary: A peek into Grissom's head. Bad summary really, really bad summary! REVIEWS good or bad always welcome!


**I have endless conversations with myself - similar to this one. So either I'm really weird, or other people do it too!**

**Maybe, just maybe, this is what it might be like in Grissom's head.**

**_Still don't own them. It's all very sad and tragic, really..._**

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**Rationalisations**

Shit.

Shit, shit.

_Stop saying that._

Shit.

_Stop it. Saying it over and over again is not going to change anything._

Fine.

Crap.

Crap, crap, crap.

_Oh yeah, that's helpful._

I'm not trying to be helpful. I'm trying not to get reacquainted with the salad I had for lunch.

_How's that going?_

I'll let you know. Touch and go at the moment.

_Stop the car, you're here. _

Yeah. I can see that.

_Switch it off. _

I've done this before you know.

_Oooh…touchy, touchy. Just get out. Go up. Knock on her door. Tell her how you feel. _

_Nothing to it._

Easy for you to say.

_Look, it's going to be fine. Have a little faith. What's the worst that can happen?_

She could tell me to go to hell.

_Huh…yeah. Let's… try… not to think about that. Positive. Be positive. She wants this. You know that. You've known that for years. So there's nothing to be worried about._

Correction. She wanted this. Past tense. Lately – I'm not so sure. She's…different.

_How?_

I don't know. Happy. Smiling a lot. Maybe there's someone. Maybe I've blown this already.

_You haven't even done anything yet._

Exactly. All these years, and I never did anything…

_She's still here though isn't she? Still in Vegas, still working at the lab. What, you think she hung around all these years so she could eventually become a showgirl?_

Don't mock. There's nothing even remotely funny about this.

_Oh come on. It's a little funny. Fifty year old, commitment phobic, emotionally retarded entomologist, is about to spill his guts to his young, beautiful co-worker. His subordinate, lest we forget. _

Ha-ha. You're a riot.

_I try._

That's it. I'm going home. Screw this. I didn't have her yesterday and I was fine. And if I don't have her tomorrow… well - I'll get over it.

Life is filled with disappointments.

_So you're giving up?_

I'm not giving up. I'm…retreating.

"He who fights and runs away, will live to fight another day."

_Shakespeare?_

Bite me.

_Look. You go up. You knock on her door. She opens it. You say: "Hello Sara."_

Fan-bloody-tastic. Come up with that all by yourself? It's what I'm supposed to do _after_ that, that I'm having a little trouble with.

Idiot.

_Who knows? Maybe you get lucky. Maybe she'll just start to kiss you passionately and you won't _have_ to say anything else. _

Yeah. That's gonna happen. Very realistic…

_Hey – a man can dream._

Can we get back to the point please?

Are we staying or going?

_Staying. This time we are definitely staying. This business of driving to her apartment every day after shift and sitting in the car looking up at her window like a lost puppy has got to stop._

_The neighbours are going to start calling the police to report a stalker._

I don't stare at her window like a lost puppy. I…sit…and…observe…oh fuck it.

You're right. I'm getting out of the car now.

_Hurrah! Progress! Two more weeks of this, and we might actually get to go up her stairs!_

Up yours.

_Nooo – up the stairs. _

_Just do it. Seize the day and all that._

Shut up. I have to think.

_About what?_

About what the hell to say to her when she opens the door. I can't mess this up. It has to be perfect.

_Some things in life aren't meant to be perfect. Their just meant to be…_

Now who's the one not being helpful? Either help me think, or bugger off.

_You're overanalyzing this._

_She knows you. She won't be expecting a poetic soliloquy to rival Shakespeare – she'll be expecting a bumbling, mumbling…fumbli…_

Shut! Up!

_Sorry – got a little carried away there._

Think!

_I am! Meanwhile, let's at least go up the stairs this time._

I am.

_Ok. Just checking…_

Shit.

Shit.

_I'm starting to agree with that assessment._

Let's just go home.

_No. No, no, no. Not this time. Not again. You're fifty years old, successful, intelligent – this isn't rocket science, so stop being such an ass._

If only it _were_ rocket science, I might stand a chance.

_You have a chance anyway. Think about this logically. _

_You asked her to come to Vegas. What happened?_

She came.

_Right. You asked her to stay. What happened?_

She stayed.

_Right again. You spent a lot of time over the last few years treating her like dirt, and where did she go?_

Nowhere.

_Exactly. Although heaven only knows how you got _that _lucky._

Can't argue with you there.

_So – logically – why would she reject you now?_

I might be too late.

_Yes, you may be. But you still need to at least give it a shot. She deserves to know how you feel – deserves an explanation for everything you put her through the last five years. _

I don't know that I _have _an explanation. Not a good one at any rate.

_Then why did you do it?_

Do what?

_Stop fucking around. Why did you treat her the way you did?_

I…uh…don't…

_Just answer the bloody question._

I…was…trying…to protect her.

_From what?_

From me! What else could she possibly need protecting from?

_Why?_

Because it could never work. Because I'm too old, too set in my ways, too…

_Bullshit. That is such a load of bullshit. Let's try this again._

_Why did you treat her the way you did?_

Asking the same question isn't going to get you a different answer…

_Why. Did. You. Treat her the way you did?_

Because…I…uh…it…

_You know, admitting your sin is the first step to forgiveness. And eventual redemption._

I…was…it…

_Just say it. _

I…was…I…was…afraid. Ok?

Terrified. Scared shitless. That clear enough for you?

_It's a start. Why?_

Because…ah…uh…because…

_Say it._

I can't.

_Say it_.

I…I…

_Good grief. Just. Say. It_.

Because... I…love…her.

_Say it again._

I love her.

_You see - the truth will out._

Great. Fantastic. So what the fuck am I supposed to do about it now?

_Now? Now you stick your hand out, you knock on her door…_

Yes?

_And you just tell her._

Tell her what?

_Everything. _

_You just tell her everything. _

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End file.
